I turned 34 years old this morning, and I have a secret to tell you. I've never gone to work- even for an hour- on my birthday. And for every year up until this one, that’s been a coincidence. Does that make me really lucky? Or just a total brat? How have I managed to get to 34 without ever having to do anything more strenuous than wake up and celebrate myself on my birthday? Wanna really think I'm ridiculous? I only ever had to go to school on my birthday one time, for one hour. It was that Blizzard of '93 school year when we'd had enough snow days to keep us in session until June 15. (It was the last day of 4th grade and my mom brought pizza from the Tavern at 8AM because it was likely going to be the only time I'd ever celebrate my birthday in school. Thanks, ma.
After school I got two bachelor’s degrees, spending seven (non-consecutive) total years in college, summer semesters included. Never had class on my birthday. Later I became a teacher. Never had school or in-service or any of that on my birthday either. This year I would have had to work, (what? NO.) so naturally, I requested off- and actually got it. (Score.) You probably still think that's prime diva behavior. After all, the world doesn’t stop just because it’s my birthday. Um, yeah, I disagree with that. Wait! Hear me out! I’ve got TWO REASONS if you read to the end, I promise! I have never “worked” on my birthday, and neither should you. Stick with me here...
I currently have four actual paying jobs and two long term volunteer positions (because I'm nice like that.) That's like six jobs. I say “no” to absolutely nothing (except vacations!). I’m the yes-ingest “yes man” that ever yes-ed. Consequently, there are zero hours left in my day to do anything other than juggle all these projects and obligations. When I DO relax, I feel guilty. So when my birthday rolls around - you can't have it. It's mine. I don't do a lot of stuff for myself, and this is one thing I don't let go of so easily. It’s a day I take to reward and appreciate all the things I’ve accomplished in the previous 365 days. And for me, it’s not particularly negotiable. You still think I’m ridiculous.
Do you work on your birthday? Do you actually celebrate it? ON the day? YOU NEED TO. I'm dead serious on this. Can we just stop this nonsense of numbing down our lives in fear of disrupting our routines? If the anniversary of your soul joining this world (and all of our lives, you wonderful you!) becomes just another “work day/carpool afternoon/garbage day/bill deadline/dinner at the kitchen table/sitcoms in bed” kind of a day, then you're not appreciating yourself enough, and your family and friends aren't either if they let your day fall into such complacency. Can I be rude for a second? Guys, that's just not good enough for you. This is your LIFE! The only one you get! You deserve so much more than mediocrity on a day dedicated to you. You’ve lasted all these years and lived through so much. Why the *&%$@# aren't you celebrating yourself?
Those people who are like, "Well my birthday's Monday, but I work, and then we have soccer and it's our turn to drive, and it's ___________ (insert random family member’s name)'s birthday Friday, so we're just going to go to Applebee’s next Thursday to celebrate both."
Listen, sister. Did you just hear yourself? You just put 900 people in front of you. Fine for a typical day- it’s what we do when balancing careers and family. Not good enough for your birthday though. Plan ahead. I promise you won’t be sorry.
-No money? Save.
-Kids? Get a sitter (However much you love them “to the moon and back” [oh glory]- you need a night out to remember you’re a person. Don’t take them!)
-Work? You’ll probably still disagree, but you should truly plan ahead to arrange the day off or (*if your work is more important to you than you are to yourself and more important to you than the people who would want to celebrate with you, then at least leave a little early or something. “Kelly, that was just mean manipulative wording.” Yep. Not sorry. Remember, you owe this to yourself!) *So you're THE only on-call cardiologist in the entire hospital for that day? Well, maybe they literally can't survive without you. But shame on whoever scheduled that! And on you for approving it! It’s very likely you have SOME say in your schedule. Make this happen!
If you do, it will recharge your depleted batteries, and that’s something that keeps you running to do all you do for everyone else. Birthdays are like a paycheck for the soul. You’ve already earned it, so cash in!
So what DO I recommended doing with that selfishly taken day off? So, when I do nice things for myself, it fills up my cup. But when I do nice things for others, it makes my cup “runneth over.” Is there anything that feels better than when hundreds of your social media friends send you a steady stream of thoughtfully-worded birthday love all day and night? You read all their messages, and you’re like, “Dang, I feel loved!” But how do we pass the buck? I’ve already talked about how we’ve stopped letting ourselves receive, but we’ve stopped letting ourselves give as well.
It’s June. The year is halfway up. Wait, this is my favorite!
There are 12 months in a year, divide in half. 6 = June.
June has 30 days, divide in half. 15.
My birthday, June 15, is exactly the middle of the year. (Ok, that’s fuzzy math in the whole 365-day scheme of things, AND it makes me sound bratty again, but let’s go with it.)
How did you spend the first half of the year? Is it how you hope to spend the next half? Unless we cure cancer or save the planet from nuclear war, after we’re gone, our careers mean next to nothing. So is your “work” really the work you hope to do on this planet? That being said, maybe we shouldn’t entirely “take off work” for our birthdays. Maybe we should take a day off from that job we have to do some REAL work.
Wouldn’t it feel like a gift to yourself to spread the happiness and appreciation you’re now letting yourself feel on your birthday? Buy a $5 gift card on our drive-thru pick-ups and pass it back to the next car with the message to pay it forward. Reach out to someone we know is lonely and remind them how great we think they are. Thank all the people who constantly support us. Donate to a charity. Volunteer our precious time. We all have people in our lives who are going through a hard time now. When was the last time you reached out? We all know someone who has literally lived through a hell we could hardly imagine. Have you told them you were proud of them? We all have someone we miss, someone we love, someone we feel slipping away… why, oh why, don’t we reach out and tell them about it? Why not celebrate in a hundred ways that day for others and ourselves? Eat the cake, relax, enjoy the friends and family you’re usually too busy to enjoy, but on a day when others usually give to us, let’s go the extra mile to give to both ourselves and then to others as well. Guys, it’s so cheesy, but the fact that you were born was a miracle, and you can be someone else’s miracle ANY TIME YOU CHOOSE. And we all need a miracle sometimes… Maybe our birthdays are a great time to start. If I hear from you today, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, and in the meantime, I’ll be celebrating and doing the “work” I know matters most. Cheers to 34! –Kelly
This is the single greatest piece of advice I've ever been given. Mother Teresa and all the hope you'll ever need.